Its not all smiles and thumbs up - The reality of long term travel

Just a warning, this post gets a bit deep and might not be the most funnest of reading. Sometimes it is just good to get stuff of my chest.

Here is a thought for you: that perfect travel Instagram you've liked, you take at face value, have you ever thought about the reality hidden by this perfect photo? What i mean by this is that what is portrayed, isn't always a true reflection of the reality. This might be confusing to grasp so let me show you...

My view whilst writing this blog post. Looks instagramable right?!

The view behind the camera of the above picture, not so instagramable and perfect.

This same scenario can be applied to humans. You only share the details you wish to share. In essence it is a nit-picked edited version you are happy to share. I am going to apply this to myself, my own situation.

If I told you that it is 2pm on Friday 12th May, in the middle of Australia's Autumn and I am sat on a beach in my bikini. That sounds perfect right?! Well life isn't always as it seems. These facts are true, however there are many details I have not included. One being my current state of mind while sat on this beach.

I am regularly told by people that it looks like I am having an amazing time. Dont get me wrong, this is true, but I only disclose an edited version of what I've been up to, I voice the good and brush aside the bad. After all I'm on the other side of the world, living my dream, while the majority of people I know are working a full time job. I don't really feel like I can complain.

The thing is despite living my dream, experiencing and creating great memories, it isn't always smiles and thumbs up.

I have been away from home for 7 months and thankfully it is only within the last couple of weeks that my mindset hasn't been completely positive. Up until 6 months I barely let myself think of home. I knew if I did, home sickness would kick in, I'd then find it hard to snap out of this feeling and then I'm faced with a downwards spiral until I return home. I know this because it used to happen to me during my university years when I lived 2 hours away from home. The difference this time, is 24 travel hours and a hefty plane ticket price away. I can't just spontaneously pop home for a night or 2. So a positive mindset was vital to me and thankfully it worked.

So why has my mindset suddenly changed in the last couple of weeks. I put it down to a combination of things:

• Realisation that I have been away for a realively long time - I am closer in time to the end of this travel than back to the start of it. I've started to miss home comforts, but mostly as silly as it sounds I miss hugs (Jen isn't a huggy person) from my parents and dog.
• Fatigue - traveling is tiring. I don't have one set home, my hostel becomes my home and I'm rarely at the same hostel for more than a week. Packing up all my belongings every few days, long travel days getting from A-B, familiarising yourself with a new area, doing the mundane chores of food shopping, laundry, etc as well as exploring a place within limited timescales. It's full on, it takes its toll
• The need for space - in 7 months I haven't had a single night to myself, there has always been at least 1 other person in the room, sometimes as many as 8. I don't have anywhere to call 'mine' to escape to and hibernate when I'm not feeling socialable. Also because I'm traveling with my sister, it got to the point where we were just annoying each other, because we had been around each other to much. 
• Nothing to occupy my mind - as silly as it sounds I feel like I'm losing my intelligence and memory whilst travelling. I don't have a great deal of things that have to be thought about, I'm not being challenged mentally. This creates a lot of thinking time, which isn't always good.
• Hostel life - if I am in a hostel I dont enjoy, it is hard to stay in a positive mindset.

There are steps which have helped to deal with this negative mindset.

Firstly, me and Jen decided to go our separate ways for 10 days. For 206 days (my mum pointed out some marriages have lasted for less time) we were practically together for 24 hours a day. The most we are apart is when one of us goes for a shower, even then it is only 20 minutes apart. We do also try and have a day apart a week but the reality is, it is only about 7 or 8 hours apart. So as you can imagine we were winding each other up, and desperately needed some time apart. I have never solo travelled before, so I was a bit nervous but I knew it was for the best. In truth it has been good for me. I was forced out of my comfort zone. The first 7 days were very enjoyable. I was in a lovely hostel and made some good friends and had a great time and was feeling happy and positive. I then left this hostel and moved to a different hostel in a different town. How a mood can change in a matter of hours! In short I'm not enjoying this hostel, I don't feel welcome or settled and it's made me feel lonely, dramatically impacting my mood. Luckily I'm on day 10 away from my sis, and we are both looking forward to reuniting tomorrow. I'm sure I will then start feeling back to my normal self.

This blog helps to stimulate some of my brain cells every once in a while, however I have to be in the right mood to do it, which isn't all to often. I have also been trying to do puzzle books. I love a good suduko and that definitely challenges my brain.

So what I feel I am getting at here is that on the surface everything in my life may look idyllic, having the opportunity to live out my childhood dream, my Instagram feed looks awesome, exploring and making unforgettable memories but I am only publically portraying the parts of my life I feel like. I am still human and there are underlying mental factors brought with it. The reality is traveling isn't always going to be 100% positive. But what I do know is that I would much rather be in the position I currently am than be waking up each morning going to work, but maybe I'm subconsciously missing stability in my life. I'm not ready to come home yet, but each day I'm another day closer to some much needed hugs.

Amester x